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"Going in order" might be one of the sillier ideas I have about dating. I also think it's true.

By "going in order" I mean a gradual progression towards intimacy, both emotional and physical. I suppose that the progression could go differently for different people, but mostly you shouldn't feel rushed or anxious. Perhaps it also means: take your time. In case it isn't totally obvious by now, I'm terrible at taking my time. I'm impatient and I want things to happen yesterday.

When I feel rushed it's usually because something is off, something is wrong. I get anxious and I try and speed things up, I call, I ask for dates, I send chatty emails. When things are fine, when there is no cause for worry, I don't think about whose turn it is to call or edit my emails a dozen times (just half a dozen) before sending them out. Maybe I'm scared that the whole thing will slip away so I get clingy. This causes the other person to pull back and confirms my worst fears.


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